I wonder, if there is a self help book on "how to meet expectations?" I am in desparate need to some thing like that. I guess I also need therapy. Writing my blog has always been therapeutic! I try and vent it out. Things I cannot talk about. I have tried to talk about it. I am irritable, not in a frame of mind to have a rational conversation! It ends up the same every time. I am expected to do carry out certain duties and tasks. But I falter, I fail. Disappointing people who are the closest to me, leading them to being frustrated and feeling helpless. They give in, but can't give up. I try but always fail. Every few days there is a 'discussion', I fail at it again. Notnbe in able to get the point across. I don't end up saying anything. Frustrating them again. Life goes on until one day, it all ends. That is the day you will realise and question yourself, what happened? Why did it happen? Why did it all end? The answer will be within, it will not be very pretty. The cause will be you &you alone. No one else to blame, but you alone. Could you have avoided it? Yes, is the answer! Have you been a successful human being? Have been a successful son, husband, father? No will be the answer. You will look back and think to yourself, if only you had that one opportunity to turn back time and go mend it all. Go back and live up to those expectations, too late.
I want to scream, shout and vent out. I cant find my voice. Its all bottled up. I question myself. I find no answer within. The faith is gone. The trust is shaken. Have let down everyone, always. Simple tasks have become mammoth. The basics have been complicated. Promises have been broken. New starts have been initiated, failing always. I question the circumstances. I find no answer. I question myself, the answer lies within. I am scared. I don't see a path. I don't see a destination. I try to run away, I am frozen. The future is uncertain. The destination unknown. The fighting continues. I have no one to talk to. I don't have anyone who will understand. The reasoning is illogical. The intentions uncertain. Running away isn't an option, but I want to. I have no where to go. I care. But, I don't show. Frustration builds up, within me, around me. I think about it all the time. Responsibilities are shrugged. Not once have I lived up to them. I am questioned. I don't have an answer. The battle wages on. I cant find a solution. I keep doing what I am doing. Its not good enough. The frustrations continue, so does the disappointment. The battle wages on. I am sinking, I am dragging everyone along. It is not right. The battle wages on. I feel that my head will explode. The thoughts are a ticking bomb, Wasting mine & every body's time. The battle wages on. The questions are plenty, the answers are none. I don't know what to do. I am the useless one. Taking it all for granted. Living the selfish life. I need to find a reason, otherwise its all going to end soon. I cling on to it. I hold on. The battle wages on...
Its that stage in life, that I have decided to take the BIG Step. The journey from being a corporate employee to being my own boss! Something, that is easier said that done. Now, that I look back, I realize that it is literally a BIG STEP! The building block to the big step is support. Deciding to quit a decently paying job to start from scratch is a little tough. Gathering your thoughts that from today on wards, there will be credit of Rs. X in your bank account on a prescribed date, actually gives you the jitters! But, this step has been well supported. My parents still think that its a very bad idea. I don't blame them. They come from an older school of thought, that something that pays you at the end of the month without fail is the best thing to be doing. They still have very little faith. They still push me to still apply for a job and get that monthly pay packet. The support comes from someone who is the closest to me, she has been my friend and she is my love. My wife. She has supported me in this crusade of mine, with everything. She has been a pillar of support from the first day that I know her. Always there, ever ready to help. We are now married for 2 years. The time has flown. Yes, literally. Its just seems like yesterday. Sonika has been the strength that I needed to take this step. I know that she is always there to support me in whatever manner she can and in what ever manner that it is required! She is special. She is extra ordinary. She is one of the very few sorted people I know (though sometimes I fail to understand her, but thats a part of life, isnt it?). In fact, she has been the one who sowed the idea of me doing something on my own. Backing me, pushing me to break the shackles of the corporate life and be the free bird. Fly solo. I truly love her. For what she is. For what I am when I am with her. Baby, this one is for you :)
After the over-whelming response to the galauti kababs on twitter, and so many people asking for recipes, I thought I shall put it on the blog. So here goes! Ingredients: - 1 KG lamb - finely minced - 1 tablespoon ginger paste - 2 tablespoon garlic paste - 6 tablespoon raw papaya paste - 1 tablespoon red chilli powder - 6 tablespoon chana powder – normal chana available at you grocery store. (acts as a binder. holds the kababs together) - 1 tablespoon garam masala - 3 tablespoon Galauti masala* - salt to taste - oil to fry *Galauti Masala: - 15 cloves - 10 cardomoms - 2 pieces of cinnamon - 2 bay leaves - 3 pieces of mace (jaivitri) - 1 teaspoon Poppy seeds (khus khus) - 1 teaspoon Rai seeds (mustard) - 2 black cardamoms - Hint of saffron - 1 teaspoon coriander seeds - 1 teaspoon jeera The mince mutton available at your local butcher should suffice. Ensure it is fine mince, or you can drind it again in the food processor at home. Mix all the ingredients in the minced mutton and put it in the fridge for a couple of hours. If you can let it be in the fridge over night, nothing better. Knead it into dough. Make into small balls and then grease your palms with oil and flatten the balls into patties. Take a heavy bottom skillet and cook the patties on a medium flame till brown. The papaya helps in cooking the mutton faster than normal. Serve with mint chutney :) and / or laccha parantha. Do invite me when you make them. If you can’t, please let me know how they turned out and if you faced any problem, maybe I can find a solution.
I don't know if I'd bank with Chondeshwari Bank. It just doesn't sound right.
The Sun. The Sand. The Beach.
I am being captain obvious here. But then, this is what I feel right now and i am sure *all* of you feel this or have felt it. It begins with really wanting something. You think about it day and night. You have always wanted to get it. You research it, you look for it everywhere. You talk about it (I even talk about it in my sleep). At some stage you think that you have to get it, it becomes the most important thing for you to acquire. But you cant. You feel frustrated. You feel defeated. You promise yourself. You console yourself. You set new time lines for yourself. You still don't get it. You give up. You tell yourself that its not worth it. You stop talking about it. You stop wanting it. You cajole yourself. But it doesnt end. You dream about it. You feel empty, you get even more frustrated. The want never dies. The greed continues. You become a slave to it. You justify your logic of wanting it. Needing it. You still don't get it. It is not the end. You dream on.
In the past 5 months or so, I have realized that the Indian consumer doesn't have a say in anything, they don't decide anything. Whoever said that "Customer Is King", must have been smoking some really potent shit (i would love to get my hands on it & try it, but that's a separate story). These 5 months were spent in setting up a new house. All work done from scratch. And off this entire experience, I have realized that everyone out there is just trying to fleece you of your hard earned money. If any seller senses even a faint lack of knowledge, they will rip you out without batting an eyelid. It started with Interior designers, atrocious budgets, unbelievable time lines. House interiors are something that always, I repeat, always cross the budgets that you have in mind. So if you start off with 10 lakhs, you will end up spending 14-15 lakhs. And yes, most interior designers will cross this also, simply because we aren't aware of the rates of putting new flooring or breaking a wall or building a new wall. We ended up ditching the interior designer and went ahead with a contractor. The began the story of the disastrous modular kitchen brand called Sleek. They are unprofessional to the core. Serious lack of communication. Untrained designers with no idea of customer service. Long story. Local furniture vendor in Goregaon, Living Spaces needed to be taken to the cops. Yes, he was *that* unprofessional. And the reason behind Sleek and Living Spaces acting like the way they did, was that we had paid them all the money (yes, i know you would say why did you do, you shouldnt have, etc etc.) Bottom line is, we have to fight for everything, even if you are paying huge money for it. They are all vultures. Out there to tear you apart. The rule of the thumb is, NEVER pay the entire amount till they finish the work as per your satisfaction. My contractor did work at lightening fast speed. We paid him the money. There were little things that were pending. Some paint touch ups, some minor tap leaking etc. Its been 47 days since we shifted. That work is still pending. had i held back even Rs. 10,000 from the money due to him, he would have finished the work in 2 days. We try to be nice. We try and resolve matters in good faith. We should have been ruthless. We live in a world, where we HAVE to fight it out. Customer is no longer the king. Customer is pauper who begs for good service & products while paying for it. If the customer was king then there would be so many 'Consumer Complaints' Websites flourishing. Read this somewhere - Customer is King. King is Dead.
Have been a fan of the Google's Nexus One. Simply because its hardware has been manufactured by HTC. And to me HTC has been synonymous with Android phones. The Galaxy S by Samsung was one of the few full feature smart phones available in India that impressed me, well till the time I did not play around with it. Samsung hardware, to me, isnt as great as the HTC. But when Google announced the Nexus S manufactured by Samsung, I sat up and took notice. Maybe they have improved since the Galaxy S. Maybe they are bringing a lot more to the table than we had expected. I haven't used the Nexus S yet, but there are somethings that make me believe that Nexus S is the best Android out there. And my reasons for it below (purely based on what i have read). - Its the current Google Flagship device, that makes it the pure true breed android.
- Processor: The Hummingbird 1GHz is maybe the current fastest processor out there for mobile phones, i mean it would have been awesome to see a dual core processor, but since they are a little time away, the Hummingbird is better than the Qualcomm processors that was seen in the Nexus One.
- Gaming Galore: Since the NS features a separate graphic processing uint, it is just a little short of the Nintendo Wii. It also features a better motion gesture sensor. Not to forget the gyroscope (yes, i know the iPhone has it too).
- Simple updates: The NS will be the first phone to get seamless updates from Google.
- Android 3.0:Although it's supposed to be a tablet-friendly OS, the word is that a number of phones (with screens of around four inches and above) will get access to the update.
- The Design: Designed to fit your face, the NS has a curved back and front. Slightly. So yeah the phone is designed to fit the shape of your face. Making it good to hold in your had as well.
- Next Gen Tech:The Google Nexus S comes complete with Near Field Communication (NFC), what does NFC mean? Well, it means that you would be able to make purchases, access facilities & transportation systems and get information on the go. It will essentially be touch and go, hold your phone close to a terminal to purchase services/products, and much much more. Your cellphone can replace your credit card.
I am sold on the Nexus S, i guess. Not that i can buy one tomorrow, but these are my two cents.
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